i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
