don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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