Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's never too late to be topless.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
