My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fuck appropriateness.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
