It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
