But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
