I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
