is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
50% drunk capacity currently
Still dying that you shit outside
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize