not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
