He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
