Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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