I need to stop coming to work sober
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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