Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
