I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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