And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
