i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
