I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
