I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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