plz talk dirty to me
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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