this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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