I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Someone signed my nipple.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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