I'm gonna have a badass scar
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
