GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
