Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
