Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
