i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my liver is dry heaving
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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