I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
