is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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