I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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