It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
