I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
