I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
