Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
