i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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