halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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