That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
