just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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