She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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