I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
