the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
high people should be assigned attendants
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
