apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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