I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
