Where did you get a picture of my penis
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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