2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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