Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
