guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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