non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
