I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
