The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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