I could make wine with my vomit
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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