I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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