Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry about my life...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
