I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
