Only a mothe r could love this liver
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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