i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
