What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize