im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
