I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
