If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
