Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
