Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
