Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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