She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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