Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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