enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
