she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
